


No Set Future

by Bemused_Writer



Category: CLAMP - Works, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23174860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bemused_Writer/pseuds/Bemused_Writer
Summary: After the Sakurazukamori dies and Kamui rescues Subaru, Kamui knows Subaru will leave the Dragons of Heaven. The question is whether he will simply allow it to happen or if he can help change the man's mind before it's too late.A look at wishes, what could have been, and when you should intervene in someone else's affairs. Takes place during volume 16.
Relationships: Shirou Kamui & Sumeragi Subaru, Shirou Kamui/Sumeragi Subaru
Comments: 18
Kudos: 31





	No Set Future

_“But what if the thing I want the most will bring sorrow to someone else?”_

_“There is no path you can take that will make everyone happy.”_

The finality in that was soul crushing. Kamui looked up at the man he was currently crouched at the knee of, clasping his hand tightly, wondering what he could possibly say to help him. He knew that something in Subaru was … broken now. He couldn’t imagine he would have ever said such a thing to him in the past otherwise. Subaru had always been encouraging. This was just…

“What’s wrong?” Subaru asked in that calm tone he always used with Kamui. He’d learned that there wasn’t an ungentle part of Subaru; even in his anger and sorrow he was gentle. Kamui almost wished Subaru would demonstrate some real anger with him, would show anything other than this bleak resignation.

And yet, he couldn’t help but think Subaru’s question was a bit absurd. It should be terribly obvious what was wrong; Subaru was going to leave and Kamui relied on him, more than he’d been willing to admit to himself or the man in question.

 _Can I ask him to stay?_ he wondered desperately. It would be horribly selfish, but could he really just leave things as they were? Wasn’t there a difference between respecting someone’s wishes and allowing them to self-destruct?

“Kamui?”

“Can someone have … more than one wish?” Kamui asked hesitantly. Subaru’s hand felt cold between his. “If… if I wanted something else, besides saving Fuuma.”

Subaru’s expression didn’t change despite the odd shift in topic or the fact Kamui had yet to leave despite Subaru no doubt wanting some privacy.

“I suppose. Most people have many wishes.” Subaru let out a heavy sigh. “I think it’s simply people like me, those with an ill heart, that latch onto just the one.”

“You don’t have an ill heart,” Kamui murmured, looking away.

“That’s kind of you to say.” He glanced down at their hands. “But it must be true. How else do I explain my attachment to…?” He closed his eyes tightly, his face finally showing an emotion, though not the one Kamui would have preferred.

“You love the Sakurazukamori because he was kind at one point,” Kamui offered, uncertainly. He really wasn’t sure how to maneuver this. “You loved the person he was.”

“Perhaps. I wonder.” Subaru closed his eyes briefly before opening them with more focus than before. “What is your other wish?”

Kamui’s mouth went dry. He wasn’t even sure how to explain it; he only knew Subaru was part of it at least.

“What if I want to protect someone… but I can’t? They don’t want it?”

“Kamui…”

“I know you said it’s impossible to make everyone happy, but what if my wish _is_ to make someone happy?” _What if I wish you could let go of the Sakurazukamori?_

“A friend?”

“Yes,” Kamui said, stumbling over the word slightly.

Subaru was quiet for a long moment. “Something more?”

“I… don’t know,” Kamui admitted. “I don’t think it could ever be something more, and I’m not even sure that’s what I….” Kamui had never let himself think that far and _now_ was hardly the time to unload all of that particular confusion on the man. “What I _do_ know,” he said with more certainty, “is that I want that person to be happy. If I could grant that it would be…” A victory? Sense of accomplishment? It would be something he desperately needed at this point, and surely Subaru could use some of that as well.

“More than you want to bring back the other Kamui?” His eyes bore into him with an intensity that almost made him flinch away; Subaru had never looked at him like that and it was… wrong. It was like there wasn’t anyone _there._

“I can’t give up on Fuuma.” Kamui forced out, feeling every inch a villain as he said it. “You know that. It’s just … this is another wish and I was just wondering…” _Can I have another wish? Can't there be more than one?  
_

“Forgive me,” Subaru murmured as he gently cupped Kamui’s cheek. “I’m being intrusive, and I’m forgetting that people can hold two wishes dearly in different ways. It’s been … quite a long time since I’ve thought of more than one.”

“It’s fine…” Kamui leaned into the touch slightly. For a split second, he thought he saw the barest smile on Subaru’s lips, but it was gone so swiftly he must have imagined it.

“If you truly wish to make this person happy, you must get to know them, understand what they want to be happy.”

“So, I shouldn’t push my ideals on them.”

Subaru stroked his cheek gently. “Ideally, no. But if your wish is to change them…”

“I wouldn’t change them,” Kamui said harshly. Subaru blinked at him in surprise and Kamui flushed. He’d never been abrupt with Subaru in the past. “It’s only… sometimes I think they’re not doing everything they could to help themselves and I’d like to do something in their place.”

“You want to take care of them,” Subaru mused. “Most people would welcome that, at least a little.”

“Would you?” Kamui said unthinkingly. He bit his lip, but refused to back down now that he’d finally asked the question. To think, he’d nearly just walked out the door without pursuing things further!

Subaru paused and his eyes widened in realization. “Kamui, are you talking about…?”

“You must have guessed that already,” Kamui mumbled.

The shocked expression on Subaru’s face implied he had not.

Now that he had the entirety of his attention, he found he couldn’t hold back any longer. “Subaru… I don’t want you to leave. I know that isn’t your wish,” he hastened to add, “and I know it’s selfish of me to try to tie you to a place you have no desire to remain at, but I…” _I need you._

“You… wish to help me?” He said it as though it were an utterly foreign concept and Kamui felt guilty, though he couldn’t quite explain why.

“You’ve helped me so much,” Kamui said desperately. “How could I not wish to help you in turn? Especially now that things are like this?”

He wasn’t sure what reaction he had expected to garner from this pursuit, but it definitely hadn’t been Subaru staring at him as if he’d grown a second head.

“Is that… wrong?” he finally asked, feeling utterly lost.

Subaru took a deep, steadying breath. “No,” he finally said. “No, it’s not wrong, it’s… unexpected. I suppose I should have seen that you might… that my leaving…” He stumbled over his words, no doubt not having meant to outright admit he’d meant to leave. “Kamui,” he continued more calmly, “I can no longer raise a kekkai. I’m not a Dragon of Heaven anymore.”

“I’ve never been able to,” Kamui pointed out softly, “and I’m the Kamui. What does that make me?”

Subaru opened his mouth to say something, changed his mind, and gently pressed two fingers under his chin to raise his face slightly. He studied him with the same intensity as before, but it no longer felt like he was beholding a ghost; there was a little bit of the old Subaru he was familiar with this time, and Kamui relaxed ever so slightly.

“It means… you’re still looking for something,” Subaru offered hesitantly. “Perhaps… there’s a wish you’re unaware of?”

Subaru sounded as perplexed as Kamui felt.

Kamui very much wanted to argue the point, but he also finally had Subaru looking at him again, seeming a little more present, so he decided against it and instead went with, “Then… will you…?

“You want me to stay,” Subaru said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” Kamui whispered with more desperation than he’d intended. “Please.”

Subaru closed his eyes and, to Kamui’s surprise, leaned forward until his head rested on Kamui’s shoulder. Kamui straightened himself to better bear his weight and wrapped his arms about his shoulders. The stench of blood was overwhelming, but he didn’t complain.

He was immediately taken back to the last time he’d held Subaru like this, right after he’d brought him back from his coma. This time, he would have to be the one to help Subaru find direction once more. He vowed he would do it.

“All right,” Subaru whispered. The heat of his words against his neck caused Kamui to shiver slightly.

“You’ll stay?” Kamui asked, needing absolute confirmation.

“I’ll stay.”

Kamui couldn’t say how long they remained in that position until Subaru finally straightened up. He stared at his coat blankly.

“Can I help you get dressed? You could take a bath?” Kamui offered.

“…All right.”

As he helped Subaru out of the blood-splattered coat, he felt as if he were bearing witness to something holy. He folded the coat with the utmost care before crouching before him once more to untie his boots.

“You don’t have to do that…”

“It’s fine,” Kamui said sternly. He made quick work of the laces and when he looked up, Subaru was staring at him with a most curious mixture of pain and something softer Kamui couldn’t name.

“You’re very kind, Kamui,” he finally said, some unknown emotion filling his words. Kamui stood, feeling strange and warm, and turned to get the tub going. No doubt it would be inappropriate to help Subaru with the rest of his clothes.

The sound of water swiftly overtook the washroom. He heard Subaru step in behind him. Impulsively, Kamui opened the cabinet at his side, found that there was, surprisingly, the item he was looking for, and dumped it into the filling tub.

“Bubbles?” Subaru said in bemusement. Kamui looked away with a slight flush. He couldn’t quite explain it himself except that bubbles seemed, well, appropriate.

“…It smells nice,” Subaru continued when Kamui remained silent. His eyes swept over the tub. “Thank you.”

“I’ll wait for you out there,” Kamui mumbled, gesturing towards the door. He’d have to tidy things up a bit; Subaru had already packed most everything away. He’d also have to find a change of clothes for him. Hopefully those wouldn’t be too difficult to locate. “Take as long as you like.”

When he closed the door behind him, he had to resist slumping against it and collapsing to the floor in a potent mix of relief and adrenaline. That had been a … trying moment to say the least. He could scarcely believe he’d convinced Subaru to stay. Part of him wondered if it was right, convincing him to do something contrary to what he’d wanted, but a larger part of Kamui was absurdly happy. Maybe Subaru had been right; having a wish fulfilled was an incredible experience.

When Subaru finally emerged, nearly two hours later, wrapped in a thick towel, Kamui had everything ready. He pressed the pajamas into his arms and pushed him toward his bedroom.

“I’ll get dressed,” Subaru said, almost sounding amused. “But Kamui, your eyes are bloodshot. You should get some rest.”

“I will… Get dressed first.” Kamui wasn’t doing anything until he felt absolutely certain that Subaru wasn’t going to disappear into the night.

He didn’t miss the knowing look he gave him, but rather than say anything he gently closed the door. Kamui could hear the shuffle of clothes and then the door opened once more. It was strange seeing him dressed so casually. The pajamas in question were a light blue and therefore far more colorful than what he normally wore.

Subaru glanced down at them. “Where did you find these? I haven’t worn them in years.”

“One of the boxes,” Kamui admitted sheepishly. “I had to do some digging.”

“Hm… Well, I think you’ve been the responsible adult long enough for tonight,” Subaru replied with a little more energy than he'd had. “It’s time for you to get some rest.”

Kamui attempted to protest, but Subaru raised a hand and shook his head. “Please, Kamui. Let’s get you back to your dorm.”

“I’m not going there tonight.” It was as if all of his old stubbornness and immovability had finally returned to him after lying dormant for so long. Subaru was giving him the same bemused expression as before. Kamui supposed he hadn’t had to deal with him like this all that often. Probably never.

“I feared you might say that. If you won’t return to the dorm, this place will have to do.” He gripped Kamui about the arms and pulled him into the room and then towards the bed. It was done incredibly gently, of course it was, but Kamui decided he wouldn’t pull away, as easy as it would be.

“Lie down,” he instructed.

“But—“

“You’re exhausted,” Subaru insisted. “Please.”

Reluctantly, Kamui obeyed and allowed himself to be tucked in after he’d kicked his shoes off. Subaru gave a quiet tut at that, but otherwise kept his peace.

“What about you?”

Subaru let out a quiet hum as he ran a hand through Kamui’s hair. “I’ll stay. I know you’re … worried. I’ll watch over you. All right?”

Many people would have found the prospect of being watched while they slept incredibly bizarre, but they’d both done it for each other often enough when they were in the hospital that now Kamui could only associate it with care, at least with this particular individual.

“All right,” Kamui conceded and finally closed his eyes. They stung from how dry they’d become; perhaps Subaru had been right about him needing some rest.

He fell asleep to the hypnotic motion of Subaru’s hand caressing his hair, and for a brief moment he was happy. Perhaps, on this day, fate had finally lost and the future was changed.

**Author's Note:**

> I always got the sense that Kamui held back his real opinions and desires from Subaru out of a weird sense of respect, but in truth I think that backfired more often than not. Subaru kind of needed someone to intervene in his life a little bit.... More to the point, someone who wanted to help him.
> 
> Anyway, I love these two and wanted to see their final parting be a little less final, so I hope you all enjoyed it as well. ^^
> 
> * * *
> 
> You can see more of my stuff/say hi on [Dreamwidth](https://bemused-writer.dreamwidth.org/) and [Tumblr](https://bemused-writer.tumblr.com/). (^^)


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